She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
