walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
