Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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