I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
