grandma shit on top of the toilet
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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