There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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