1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
