so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
