you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
