You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
