im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
