We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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