Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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