He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
