i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
