k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
