i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
