i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
