Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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