im about as happy as oj after his trial
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
