Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
