So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
