Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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