Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
