It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
