I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
