a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
