So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
