Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
