how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
