1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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