I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
