The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
