It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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