Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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