I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
