Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
