Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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