just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
