Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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