I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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