Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
