i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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