I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
