That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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