i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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