he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
