If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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