yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
