Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
