the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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