It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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