Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
